Friday, June 29, 2012

running into yourself

blogger's note: I was going through old files looking for a photo for next week's post. I was not expecting to come across some of my previous essays. Curious, I read through this. The below was written in January 2005. It might as well have been written yesterday.

Here I am again trapped in my own sense of accomplishment and stressing out over some other thing. What is it with me? Why can't I see that there are things beyond my control; that there are things that can be put off till later; that not everything is an urgent priority that needs my immediate attention and intervention? Why is it that I am always striving to do, do, do and think, think, think. Why can’t I just sit back and relax and be still? Why is it that my body and mind have to be busy all the time? Why can't I take a break? What is it that I am afraid of? I am afraid of running out of time; of being too slow and falling behind.; of not measuring up; not having enough; not being enough. I do not know where I got this trait from, but I know it is not healthy. I need to slow down. I have to slow down. I will slow down, or at least try to slow down.

postscript:  I am still trying to slow down. It is a work in progress. I am a work in progress. After all, it is all practice.

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