I want her to remember: A letter to Jannah-Rae

I want JR to remember the hours I spend in the kitchen making meals for her and us. And how much I enjoyed spending these hours in the kitchen.

I want JR to remember how I would sit her down in the kitchen and let her "help" me put some of these meals together. And how fun it was.

I want JR to remember how I would rush to make her a dish/dessert/snack she would ask for, right then and there.

I want JR to remember that her requests were, and always will be, very important to me.

I want JR to remember how I wear my hair up, my nails bare, and my face natural.

I want JR to remember how I dress simply and practically.

I want JR to remember that she always had nice clothes to chose from, but that when she asked to spend the day, and go out, in her pyjamas, Mama said yes.

I want JR to remember that essence is more important than show.

I want JR to remember how even when Mama is busy, she always tries to make time for her. And how I try to maintain a conversation with her, even as I am driving.

I want JR to remember how I drop everything I am doing and bend down, open my arms, and take her in when she comes toddling out of the room when she wakes up in the morning. And, how I do that whenever she walks in the door after being gone without me.

I want JR to remember how she brought happiness, and stress, and challenge, and innocence, and fun. And, how raising her is both a source of joy and worry.

I want JR to remember the hours I spent holding her, cuddling her, reading to her, singing to her, and sitting by her side till she fell asleep. The months she spent in the baby carrier, strapped to my chest or my back. The years she spent to my side, holding my hand, asking me to hold her.

I want JR to remember the times we sat together, and how she would look me in the eyes and say "Mama, talk to me!" or "Mama, let's talk."

I want JR to remember the bubble baths we took together, with me sitting in the tub with her. And, the tears she shed when it was time to wash her hair.

I want JR to remember that no matter how old she grows, how far she goes, or how much she changes, she will always be my Jannah-Rae.

I want JR to remember that no matter what happens, I will always be there for her. Always be her Mama.