Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Commemorating One Year

Two weeks, people around the world were celebrating the Eid. It was a time for thankfulness, joy and sacrifice. Lambs were slaughtered, food was shared and people in Mecca, and elsewhere, received the grace of Allah and his forgiveness.

In a small part of the world, in a little quiet town forgotten by time, I lay awake. I had many reasons to be up that day; but only one made me truly conscious. The date was October 17th, 2012, and that was a year ago, three hundred and sixty five days and thousands of minutes ago; a lifetime ago. It was now October 17th, 2013 and I had made it. I had come through the experience and emerged on the other side.

When we received the news on what was supposed to be a happy day I thought I would not make it. The words "bed" and "rest" had never been put together in my dictionary. That combined word was for other pregnant women, certainly not me. Yet suddenly I found myself part of those "other" women and I thought I would die. It was a blow, a huge blow, not only to my way of life, but also to my ego. How could my body fail me so bad, after it had failed me twice before. I was in disbelief; I was in denial. But I was certainly in bed.

The days were slow. Time was both my friend and enemy. Every day brought growth for my baby. Every day brought boredom, regret, guilt. Every day I willed myself to go on, carry forward, be strong. I teased myself with glances out the window, with glimpses of the outside world. Being bound indoors was pure torture. Life was going on outside, the world was still turning around and I was not feeling part of it. And yet I was; albeit in my little corner of the world.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. I counted. I breathed. I complained. I wrote. I grumbled. I carried on. And one day the challenge was brought to fruition. I was rewarded, and I was blessed with the fruit of my labor. Patience lead to wondrous creation. And I am proud to be able to sit here and type these words now to lay to still an experience that, although I do not wish on anyone, am glad I had. I cannot believe I made through but I am so fortunate I did; the alternative would have been much worse.

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